i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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