dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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