I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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