WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize