She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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