I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
