How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
