just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
did i just pee glitter
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
