and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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