i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize