You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize