OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
