i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I smell stomach acid.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize