Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
