She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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