It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize