It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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