If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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