Banned from zoo.
Again?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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