Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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