I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
