I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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