I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
