lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
