Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
