I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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