Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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