i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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