I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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