I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize