OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
