I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
