For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
