Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
