i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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