Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
