I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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