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I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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