69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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