like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
