Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
