so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
