if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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