I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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