we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
