you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Randomize
