He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Naked. naked and bneed help.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
