sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
