Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
