My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
