i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I would ride that face into the sunset
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
