dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
