Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
