Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
