im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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