I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
The struggles of a small town man whore
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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