it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
