Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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