is your mom at the bar?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
