Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
