Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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