I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
