you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
