We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize