She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
