I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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