Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
