Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
