can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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