Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
