Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
